Huh, this is a first Never had an ambulance follow me to the gym before They must know

I’m stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying “utilize” and “leverage” and I’m wondering if I should tell him about the word “use”.

October 10th was such a great day 10/10

Buy a man a fish, and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish… And he has to buy a fishing pole, tackle, fishing line, and acquire a fishing licence.

3 mods walk into a bar [deleted]

Life is like a box of chocolates… It doesn’t last long for fat people.

How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard… Put him in the backyard

Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I’ve been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?

Doctor: You need a kidney transplant. Me: A transplant? Dr: Don’t worry, I’ve never lost a patient. I know where each one is buried. Me:

Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today.