Yes, my teeth are dazzling, but, please, treat me no differently than you would the next demigod.

FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)

“I high fived a shark, and then we ate burritos.” – Martin Luther King Jr.’s other dream.

If a tree falls in the woods, and there are no English majors around to hear it… does is lay on the ground, or lie?

I lost 25 pounds. Just want to say I lost 25 pounds and I’m proud of myself. The last time I was betting on horses I lost 100,-.

“Drop it like it’s hot,” is my favorite song about dropping stuff that’s hot.

Capitalization is important… It’s the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Why was the horse kicked out of the country western bar? He was a homosexual.

It’s the day after my birthday and I feel like an idiot. Probably because I was born yesterday.

The waiting list for the WiiU…. Just got shorter in Conneticut