How did Jesus get so ripped? He does crossfit.

How does a witch tell time? With a witchwatch.

“I don’t need any love from any man. I only need to love and be loved by ONE man. He is the Son of God, JESUS!”…….just say u have been dumped.

Why do women like to be on top during sex? Because they’re over cum with joy.

You’re born, you grow up, you start listening to a Pink Floyd song, you get married, have kids, you die, the song hasn’t finished.

Why was the wildlife reserve worker weeping next to poached rhino? He liked his rhinos sunny side up.

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Recording on an Australian tax help line If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.

Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match. Me: When can you operate? *lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

What kind of snake is it good to have on a car? Windshield vipers.