One-Liner: Jobs growth in the United States is now down to just hair and fingernails.

I was datin’ this girl from Eaton or was it eating this girl from Dayton?

The Bartender says, “This bar is for fortune tellers only.” Two skeptics walk into a bar.

There was once a Roman who ate his girlfriend. He was gladiator.

My anniversary is coming up Friday is my anniversary, I’ll have been married for 35 years. Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch.

I know a lot about jokes about unemployed people But they never work

When is the best time to make jokes? When you are ill, because they are sick

What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital? An Oncologist

I just drank coffee I forgot on the counter this morning. It was so cold and bitter I wrote it an alimony check.

[1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives