Recent evidence indicates that Earth is indeed bi-polar, as we’ve always suspected.

What do you call a SWAT team with Snoop Dogg? A Blunt force

If a gym has 75 treadmills, 1 is being used, what do you do? You go home because it’s your favorite one being used Math is easy

I hate to tell patients that they’ve become physically mute… They’re always speechless.

What type of car does a ghost drive? A BOOick.

If I was a squirrel I’d chuck my nuts in your hole!

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four it’d be a chicken sedan.

I’m most freaked when I take the dog out after dark and remember it’s stupid white girls like me that are killed first in horror movies.

guy at seaworld: “it’s a cross between an eel and a shark, we’re asking everyone to pick a name for him” wife: “steve” me: “sharkeel o’neal”

I never learnt the meaning of the word truancy… …I wasn’t at school that day.