I wasn’t sure about the idea of a beard at first But its growing on me.

I fucked a retarded chick last night. I wanted the first time to be special.

What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room? Sushi

At Walmart with a box of condoms and a Barbie play set, now I need to pick the right cashier to ensure maximum awkwardness for us both.

I would like to thank the kind stranger I met on the bus this morning for teaching me the meaning of the word ‘abundance’. It means a lot.

Did you hear about the housing prices in Baltimore? I hear they’re a riot!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I am extremely handsome and too many girls want me She said something else about my chronic lying disorder but I wasn’t really listening

Hot Pringles in your area want you to jam your whole fist in their cans.

I was about to make a joke about illegal immigrants But that would be crossing the borders

One for the science guys: Q) How do you make a hormone? A) Don’t pay her!