Just found out that my sexy new girlfriend stays in shape by playing football. She’s a keeper.

I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.

I ripped my pants and had to sew them back up. Britches love stitches.

How many ADD’s does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go fishing

On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky …how much do you love your children?

Happy World Alzheimer’s Day! Or was it yesterday??

You’re supposed to pee on a Jellyfish sting and not a jelly stain? Well that was really embarrassing.

If we weren’t able to stop Bieber Fever I seriously doubt America can stop an Ebola epidemic.

Freddy from scooby doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s He ran on splitting up gangs.

How many bees are there in the world? A buzzillion.