Why do Canadians like to do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game 😀

Why don’t Germans tell jokes about sausage? Because they are the wurst.

“I got expelled” How? “I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard” Ok that’s dumb but- “So my prof told me to go back up there…” Oh no “and rub 1 out”

I’m the Babe Ruth of the toilet I always get the runs

This is no place for memorials, petitions, or any of that emotional shit.

BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen.

I’m acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!

That Russian meteor footage is a nice reminder that we’re flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof.

Best way to answer a call: Mario’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce self.Jokes

“Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs.” “Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?” “That’s cool.”