When you write lyrics as bad as “I got soul but I’m not a soldier” it’s important to repeat it exactly 10 times in a row so nobody misses it

The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don’t like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.

You remind me of my little toe Why because I’m so cute and tiny? No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.

Did you hear about the blind porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!

There is little difference between how a horse eats hay and the way my children consume spaghetti.

Have you seen the new fishing website? No it’s not online yet.

Why is “jizz” such a great word? Because of how nicely it rolls off your tongue

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds “Wife Wanted”. The next day, he received 1000 of replies, all reading: “You can have mine.” Free delivery also available at your door step

Why was Darth Vader so upset? He was looking for the Rebels in Aldeerwrong places…

Why did the Senator get on Viagara? He wanted to achieve erection reform.