I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.

I saw a sign that said bad’ the other day. I thought, that’s not a good sign.

How do you know a vocalist is at your door? She can’t find the key and doesn’t know where to come in.

tired of people always telling me go to hospital and that i’ve lost a lot of blood, its my severe head injury not yours stay out of it

thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried…

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. No joke.

World’s shortest joke Your penis

[mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn’t work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can’t…it’s in the sink

Why did the train get hit by lighting? Because of the conductor.