Why do dogs wag their tails ? “Because no one else will do it for them !”

When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I’ll take a fucking bite.

I texted and drive sometimes I guess we all do stupid things when we’re drunk

A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff… *Baah Dum Tssssss*

When is bingo harmless? When its B9!

Camping is a great way to show people that you hate your own home but can’t afford a decent hotel.

Just once I’d like to see an Expected Server Error, as if to say “Yup! We knew this was coming. Sucks for you!”

I only like 70 things.. One is alcohol. Another is 69.

Do you like fishsticks? yeah? LIKE IN THE MOUTH? THEN YOU’RE A GAY FISH

Somebody told me to stop singing “Wonderwall.” I said maybe