Why did batman leave church? Because Christian Baled

Not sure why, but even when I shower alone, I still get a little nervous when I drop the soap.

My haircuts are just like my sex life Usually do it myself and there’s a big mess I hate cleaning up afterwards.

How do you keep a redditor wait I’ll post the answer tomorrow

How Did I Make It To The Middle East? Iran there.

“How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?” *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He’s a racist

I don’t like Fahrenheit. I don’t like Celsius. I don’t like Kelvin. I prefer to measure my degrees in Radians.

Knock Knock Batman: Who’s there? Alfred: Not your parents. 😀

If TV has taught us anything, it’s not to get on a boat with a man we have just started dating, for it is there that he will murder us