“hello 9-1-1 whats your emergency?” hi yes it’s me again i left the house 3 min ago but just realized i forgot my headphones

Do you want to hear a short joke? Never mind, it’d probably go right over your head anyway.

You know the ‘Done’ button you press to exit a video? How come it only sounds judgy and sarcastic after I’ve finished jacking off?

I’ve been fired from work for putting in too many shifts Keyboard manufacturing isn’t as easy as you think

What is a pirates favorite letter? Most say the letter ‘R’ But a pirates first love is the mighty ‘C’ By the mighty ‘C’ I mean the clitoris YARRRRHHHHHhhh…..

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage? He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

“Titanic.” “What??”   “Sorry, that wasn’t a very good icebreaker.”

So I was shopping online for antique guns….. and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition.

I masturbated so good last night That i woke up to find my dick making breakfast

Why did the chicken say, “Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?” He was studying foreign languages.