My friend wants a fairy tale wedding, so I’m going to poison her. I hope that’s what she meant.

International Women’s Day That’s the joke

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? One is against the law and the other is sick bird.

Where do Angelfish swim? The Holy See

I hate people who talk about me behind my back… They discussed me.

If retards are supposed to be so stupid how come I have never seen one smoking?

Why did Simba’s dad die in a stampede? Because he didn’t Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add “enough”

I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do. He only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

My wife’s birthday is in two days, and she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”. So I bought her nothing.

What did Oprah say when she visited Harlem? “YOU get a father, and YOU get a father, and YOU get a father! Everybody gets a father!!!