A nail walks into a bar And gets hammered.

What type of jokes don’t work Dark jokes.

My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday. Work is hard.

What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhart have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.

What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers? Cracka-lackin

I’ve kissed so many frogs trying to find a prince that I’ve actually discovered several new species.

A bee is willing to end it’s own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.

How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question, anarchists can’t change anything.

I never understood why Bill Clinton felt the need to cheat on Hillary . . . After all, she’s proven to be great at getting sex offenders off.

Why did it rain on Christmas Eve? Because of Santa and his Raindeer.