“Lincoln” is a terrible movie The main character dies at the end.

Knock knock Who’s there? I got up.

friend: here he comes. dont set him off again. me: ok me&friend: hey JADEN SMITH: What If We Are the Hay, And The World Is Harvesting Us?

Until my sneezes have time to figure out their beliefs, please stop blessing them.

I have a problem with people that are missing body parts. I guess I might just be lack-toes-intolerant.

Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.

What do you call a fish with 27 eyes? Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish

Hitting on girls at the bar is like payday I never get the number I asked for.

I’d like to say that ALL quilts are great… …but I try to avoid making blanket statements.

Purifying yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka Not as effective as NyQuil