Why do they eat snails in France? They don’t like fastfood

An ironic joke walks into a bar, orders a beer, and sits down Bartender says hey! We’re straight talkers here… no irony allowed. Ironic joke says well that’s fine then, because I just want a beer.

Her: baby can you come up here and play with me? Me: *sprints up stairs Her: I’m kidding. Can you hand me the remote? Me: this is so us

*classic 90’s sitcom where sister is taking too long in the bathroom* Sister: hold on I’m taking a big shit. *theme music plays*

What was the burglar doing at Wayne Manor? Robin.

Where do you get sent if you have a brainfreeze? The iceeu

Stop burning bridges. They’re not even good kindling. Just use sticks.

Being fat is over weighted.- Elmer Fudd

1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave

Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers. They call them “I can’t believe it’s not Jesus”