What are those small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for “Suck Here”

Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years.

They say never go food shopping when you’re hungry but it’s been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.

The Tea Party is the biggest case of Stockholm Syndrome ever. Poor people rallying to the cause of those keeping them in poverty.

Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? One goes “cockadoodle doo”, the other goes, “Any cock ‘ill do.” Old joke my 60-something grandfather told me when I was 10

I enjoy much more playing lots of videogames then having sex with Emma Watson.. In that particular order.

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? You take the F out of safe, and the F out of way.

Birth control??? Here watch my kids for 10 minutes.

Unlike Rick Astley, this tweet is likely to let you down.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved