The Kardashian Family motto: Getting black men off since the OJ trial.

Why aren’t kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent? Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

Customer: Why is my hairline receding? Barber: It’s not. Your scalp is advancing.

Where does the General keep hs armies? In his sleevies.

TOASTER OVEN: Do you really need another Hot Pocket? ME: You shut your mouth TO: If I shut my mouth will you stop putting Hot Pockets in it

According to my current parking spot, I’m Chief of Police.

“Wolfgang Mozart”, says Mozart’s friend… “What?!” replies Mozart. Then they are both eaten by a gang of wolves.

When a man falls off a boat, you say, “Man overboard!” What do you say when a woman falls off a boat? “Full speed ahead!”

Whats the difference between a Pope and acne? Acne doesn’t come on a boy’s face until he is around 12.

Carl: Perfect weather tonight. Me: Tell me something I don’t know. Carl: Butterflies taste with their feet. Me: Fair enough.