Feminist are boycotting James Coney Island.. They claim it’s all about the wieners

A man walks into a bar and says, “David Foster Wallace was not the greatest writer to ever live.” .

In an alternate universe, the President… is given an attache and told not to press the button inside beyond the most dire circumstances. Instructions nuclear.

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, personal trainer. Obesity killed my father. Prepare to diet.

In awkward situations I’ll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes. You know – comic relief.

The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.

The US economy That’s the joke.

Two fish are in a tank.. One turns to the other and asked “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life then turned around and the toilet was empty. Needless to say I completely lost my shit

50 years from now…”Remember that time we were fighting the riot police and the National Guard …” “…and your mommy shows up and kicks your ASS?”