What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a hooker? When I’m choking the lawnmower, I don’t stick my dick in it.

An amoralist, a nihilist, and a world-weary cynic walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors in here.”.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts. Cause a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Well, can’t fit that much shit in a sneaker!

What do you call a group of homosexual musicians from India who never get to play out? A Gay Raj band

What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, “When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?” ###SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. *bows*

My grandpa’s a total perv My mom told me he had a stroke at my sisters dance recital!

Freedom of speech [deleted]

What’s the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four-year old child? Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!