They say the best way to prepare your kids for loss in later life is to have pets. So I bought a puppy and shot it in front of them. I’m not having my kids growing up damaged.

What did Cholera say to Malaria? Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday?

Whats the difference between a joke and 2 dicks. You cant take a joke

To where going Batman running fast? To the Bathroom

“I’m dying call me an ambulance” Best friend: “Ok dying, you’re an ambulance”

How do you spell relief? F-A-R-T

This table is a bit wobbly, one of the legs appears to be shorter, Luckily I have just been given a copy of the new album by Nickleback

What did little no armed Jimmy get for Christmas? Gloves! Haha I’m joking. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Why do women hate panty lines? Because like, it sucks waiting around for underwear.

Nice told me a joke How many bakers does it take to run a bakery? Bun Edit: Title should say Niece