What’s the United States favorite brand of shortening? San Fran Crisco

Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together – Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll

What do you call a fly without any wings? A walk

How do you throw a space party? You planet!

I put the ‘fun’ in ‘dyslexic’.

How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb? OVER 9000

I went out for dinner last night. The Captain’s Basket was on special for $7.00. I tried it just for the halibut.

Nothing brings a family closer at graduation than a flask.

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, “How the hell did you get in here?”

What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer after there’s no more Job’s