Terror attack in New York Thousands of people scream as Mariah Carey bombs Time Square

The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you and I have a lot in common.

You may think i’m odd for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches.. But hey.. That’s just Hawaii roll.

You can’t die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*

I’m not sure if I’m depressed Or just nihilistic

What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down stairs.

cashier at the book store told me to “take it easy” so I stabbed her in the neck with my keys because nobody tells me how to live my life.

What do you call a woman who misses her period? Fucked

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren’t taking their medication.