“See that guy over there? I have to serve him with papers today.” -Oh really? Why? “Because I lost my tennis racquet.”

What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snow balls. Ha

Before I met my wife I was incomplete.. Now I’m finished.

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle

if boris johnson was priminster he’d make all of us shop at Borrisons

What do books and sex have in common? They both have a climax.

Why does it see like fur is more hated than leather? Its easy to harass a 90lb aneroxic and walk away. It’s a lot harder to do the same to the 250lb tattooed, long haired, biker.

Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole? A: He varnished into thin air!

Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs? They say they’re in bread.

What is the prettiest thing about a DC girl? Her resume.