Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today…finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.

I’ve wanted to post this forever. This.

How many Communists does is take to screw in a light bulb? All of them.

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One fish says to the other, “I don’t know how to drive this thing”.

Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can’t!

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

What do black people with Down’s Syndrome call their friends? Their Chromies

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

You hang Up. “No you hang Up.” No YOU hang Up. “No YOU hang Up.” – couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.