The Three Unwritten Rules Of Life 1. 2. 3.

What’s a hats favourite thing? Getting head

I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns.

Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident.

Don’t assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter.

I was about to tell you a bank joke But I lost all interest.

MY VIRGINITY

Today I found out that nobody living in my town is allowed to be buried in it. It might be because they’re alive

I did a self defense course I would’t recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion

You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you’re supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that’s running just punkd you.