How do you know if a joke is a dad joke? A dad joke has to reach father for a pun.

did you know that the earth used to be 100% water? that was until yo momma got thirsty.

What do you call a horse with a broken leg? Worthless

When I was 6 I got coal from Santa… The next year I decided to get back at him and poison the cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad

Facebook does NOT ruin relationships. Relationships ruin Facebook

If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth? It really just depends on how much cents it makes.

Whats the difference between a Rolling Stone and a Scottish man The Rolling Stone says, “Hey you, get off of my cloud.” and the Scottish man says, “Hey McLeod get off of my ewe.”

I’m much better at organizing my thoughts on Reddit than I am IRL After all, most of my comments here just have the one point.

Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I’m really hurt so please give me time.

Some say global warming is caused by an increase in greenhouse gases, but I know that’s a cover up for the truth: too many hot local singles