Donald Trump is going to demand to see Hilary Clinton’s birth certificate… to make sure she is a woman.

Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? “Mom, it’s-” *dad makes throat slice gesture* “No one, Mom. No one”

If Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are on a boat together, and it sinks, who survives? America

What would you call ISIS after they’ve been eliminated? WASWAS.

The local police station had their toilet stolen. The cops say they have nothing to go on.

“Please stop being mean” – Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle

Watched my first porno today… I looked much younger back then.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta away!

A joke I tried to make about the difference between British and American government. (Bad language) One of our politicians fucked a pig’s head All of your politicians are pig headed fuckers

What do you call a nut that eats other nuts? A pecan-nibal! Made this up at work while hungry.