‘I am your God, and now it is night!’ I say as I turn the fish tank light off.

I’ve been Nominated for Facebook’s New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2013!…….In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

Did you hear the one about the gay midget? He went up on a guy.

What is gray and comes in pints? An elephant! edit: maybe I should say what is gray and cums in pints?

I just bought a pair of glasses from Zenni Optical. 20/20 would buy again.

One old man was talking to another “Hows your incontinence?” “Depends.”

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent and appearance suggests that you hail from the southeast.

What’s the difference between anal sex and regular sex? Regular sex can make your night, but anal sex can make your hole weak.

What do you call someone who won’t get off your lawn? A grasshole.

How embarrassing would it be if Facebook automatically updated statuses to what you where doing. “Billy is alone in his room.”