What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose.

Why should transgender people get separate bathrooms? There’s already handicapped stalls.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring nickelback

I don’t like cocaine I only like the smell.

The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.

Why don’t lawyers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? He heard the ref was blowing fouls

*trying to awkwardly start a conversation with my barber* I ALSO like scissors.

If you are single don’t worry. Someone will come around shortly to totally fcuk that up.

TRIVIA TIME: What flavor shake did Marty McFly get in the diner during the first Back To the Future movie? Parkinson’s.