Honey I won the Lottery. Overly exuberant husband came home. “Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!” Wife; “Where are we going?”. Husband; “We are not going anywhere – get the fuck out!”

What’s the worst part about eating 69 oysters out of your grandma? Finding out she already posted this joke on Reddit.

Taking a nap until my carbon monoxide detector stops beeping.

Maybe every nation has ninjas And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

What did the Wife-DNA say to the Husband-DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?

Of course you don’t know ‘our song.’ You didn’t know we were even dating, silly. Or that the girl you had lunch with is in my trunk.

2 black eyes What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, I already told her twice.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

What is long, hard and leaves a warm, white, sticky substance in your mouth? Toothbrush.

What starts with ‘D’ and has two letters in it? w