[Self-Checkout] ME: also I ate a donut in the store MACHINE: Place the item on the belt ME: I can’t because I ate it MACHINE: Place the

Like a true gentlemen, I always put women and children first. I hate walking into spiderwebs…

I returned from court to see ‘Welcome home dad’ hanging over the foyer.. It was a suspended sentence

I’m on a seefood diet I see food and I eat it.

Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices… Now I get less bang for my buck!

My ex-girlfriend told me nothing shocks her anymore so I switched her digital scale from Lbs to Kg.

The problem with dieting is food.

I’ve got a pretty big role coming up It’s a cinnamon roll.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away? You would too if your name was “adkwodrtrgfvnfif”

Do you wanna here something ironic?? Iron Man is a Fe-male!