Snow Ain’t the problem Isis

What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backward? A receding hareline.

What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy? A nice tight seal

“I wish I could answer phone calls with my Walkman.” -Steve Jobs in the 80’s

[LPT request] how to wake up from a bad dream. Wait. What do you mean he’s really president?

Gordon Ramsey… Who was the first five star cook in ancient Egypt? Pharoh Godron Ramses! Who is his favorite god? Its fuckin Ra!

So Bill Cosby and Darren Sharper walked into the bar… I would tell you what happened next but for some reason I can’t remember a thing from that night.

[doing standup] So I live in Kansas [hysterical laughter] That…that wasn’t the joke

Young guy goes in for his annual physical Doctor says: You have to stop masturbating Young man: What?! Why?? Doctor: Because I’m trying to examine you!