Not that anybody asked, but the Irresistible Force beats the Immovable Object every time.

If Donald Trump becomes President, The rest of us should be able to just walk into any hospital & start working as doctors

I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.

I don’t punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people

Im eating out this old lady… Im eating out this old lady and i start to taste horse seamen, at that moment i think, ” oh grandma, thats how you died”

And YOU get a vegetable pod! And YOU get a vegetable pod! And YOU get a vegetable pod! And YOU get a vegetable pod! ~ The Okra Show

We just got a donkey He’s a real Jackass

Sometimes I wonder if I need to spell it out to people.. But then I realised I typed it, so I already did spell it out.

Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I’m being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard.

Ok you with pneumonia, go sit between the perfectly healthy lady and the guy with the blood shooting out of his leg and wait. -hospitals