Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth Then it just becomes a soap opera.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves? Russell.

If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me 🙁

Ref:I’m sending you off Player: What for ? Ref: The rest of the match !

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don’t. They just beat up the room for being dark and arrest the light for being broke.

If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

Dad Joke Survivors A nickelodeon presentation.

I just went to jail for my wife’s crime. She’s Chinese, which I guess makes me guilty by associasian.

Apparently they’ve come out with low-fat communion wafers Yeah. They called it *I Can’t Believe It’s Not Jesus*.

Why did the egg get a ticket from a lady police officer? Because he was picking up good vibrations.