What do 50 cent hot dogs have in common with lumber? Two buy four.

How the does man give his dead batteries away? Free of charge, of course.

I decided when I turn 21 I’m only going to smoke cigarettes when I drink Guess I’m going to be an alcoholic

A dung beetle walks into a bar And asks the bartender, “Is this stool taken?”

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.

asked my dentist out but she brushed me off, said she only dates plaque guys Not gonna paste any more time on that cavitease, it’s her floss

Why did the computer say Hello? Because it was A Dell

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

No, I’m not damaging my liver. I’m about to sterilize it using alcohol.

Fun prank idea: Take your friend’s fiancee to lunch and say things that give her doubts about the relationship.