Why do bears’ mouths water whenever they look at Trump? Because they think that thing on his head (his hair) is an animal and they want to eat it.

How do most elderly golfers die? They have a bad stroke

Why did the plane crash into the ocean? The pilot was a loaf of bread

What’s long and hard on a black guy His prison sentence I hope this hasn’t been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome

A laptop made in the United States is a portable device. A laptop made in Mexico is a deportable device.

How can you tell it’s a porno actor filling up his car at the next pump? Just before he gets to twenty bucks he pulls out the nozzle and shoots it all over the trunk.

My girlfriend wanted to have a talk about how childish i am But she didn’t have the secret password to my pillow fort so she couldn’t get in

The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell. Now no one ever knocks on my door.

What do you call a blonde haired skeleton in the closet? Last year’s Hide and Go seek champion.

What do you call a cow that’s had an abortion? Decaffeinated