How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services? An arm and a leg.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That’s not funny!

Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I use beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver

I’m trying to tell a Pokemon joke to my brother but he just doesn’t get it. He’s a slowbro.

Hate it when I’m at a hotel & the maid leaves her cart unattended & the only thing I can grab before getting caught is 3 dozen shower caps.

Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t talk about it. “For I did not speak of my own accord” John 12:49

What do soy beans and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes!

“I just dumped my girlfriend lol” – a cannibal after taking a shit.

How can a man take an abortion pill? He just picks one up and leaves.

I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee… My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug