What do you call a Deer with… No eyes?: **No idea** No eyes and no legs?: **Still no idea** No eyes and no legs, having sex? **Still f*cking no idea** And where do you find it? **Where you left it**

I bumped into a cute guy today. I clawed his face off. I should work on my people skills.

Schrodingers cat walks into a bar … and doesn’t.

What do you call a fish that’s worth a lot of money? A goldfish!

A woman is good for 70 things. Cooking and 69.

Why did the stair railing give money to Beethoven? A bannister always pays his deafs.

What happens when you zip up a lion? It rars

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. What do you call that same fly without legs? A raisin.

I don’t like jam but my marmite Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide.

Did you hear about Greek porn? They can’t do money shots anymore