*gets a Fitbit for Christmas* *puts it on a squirrel*

I said hello to a feminist My court date starts tomorrow.

SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended. He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

What do you get when you cross a Native American with phosphorylation? ATP

This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote “sexy” on all of his wife’s friends’ pics.

The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar… It was tense.

I asked my wife to tell me something that would make me laugh and cry at the same time… Apparently out of all my friends I have the biggest dick.

Doctor Doctor I think I’m turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet!

(NSFW) It’s been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived… With animals in his heart.

Why couldn’t the spotty cat chase the sheep? Because her Mum wouldn’t leopard be a shepherd