What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can’t use a pitchfork to unload bowling balls.

Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 13 million illegal aliens? Juan by Juan

How do narcissists remember everything? …They have a photogenic memory.

I stuffed some socks in my pants to impress the ladies but it didn’t work so I’ll try moving the socks to the front of my pants.

Today’s 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

“How much for the mannequin in the clown outfit?” “Sir, she came in with you!”

What kind of superhero would Caitlyn Jenner be? An Ex-Man.

Does anybody know if Maternity Wards are open today?