Where do magical animals go to jail? Azkabarn

Hear about the new gay sitcom? “Leave it, it’s Beaver.”

I probably wouldn’t even use the gym if I were in prison.

Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won’t need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.

[job interview] “any public speaking experience?” not since the valedictorian speech in high school “very impressive” I yelled ‘YOU SUCK’

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him…

Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do.

Why don’t nice people ride the train? Because they’re usually found on trucks.

Can someone help me find….. The guy on his cell phone laughing uncontrollably because someone rear ended a car full of nuns. I think he was leaving a message. Thanks in advance.

The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me..