Before you say you “value my opinion,” just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3.

What did the scarecrow say when asked about his job? “This job isn’t for everyone, but hay…it’s in my jeans”

My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Punch his cousin

What’s the difference between and elephant and a mail box? I don’t know. I hope you’re not allowed to take the mail out to the mail box.

What is a pirate’s favorite class in school? Arrrrrrt class.

While getting the newspaper, I thought the neighbor admired my new boxers a bit too much. ‘Til I felt a breeze. And remembered a button.

I woke up this morning to find chinese writing all over my bedroom walls. I couldn’t understand it.

A skeleton walks into a bar… He says to the bartender, “give me a beer and a mop.”

Knock, knock Who’s there? Hosea Hosea, who? Hosea one more words and I’ll beat the craps out of her