What does a black man do after sex? 15 years.

The banana apologized to the apple. You’re very sweet, but I’m sorry I don’t find you a**peel**ing [I know this was terrible. I guess this wasn’t your taste.](#s)

ME: This car’s perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there’s no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it’s perfect

Why do women have smaller feet than men? – It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

What’s the easiest way to piss off a bunch of redditors? [DELETED]

Science joke: What do you study to learn about acid? A pHD

What is the difference between camping and being homeless? Marshmallows

How do you kill a circus? …go for the Juggler!

The best part of waking up is when you say “fuck it” and go back to sleep.

I’m not saying Martha Stewart is old, but… she needs a new Walker more than the Fast and Furious franchise.