“Um, here’s a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby’s room?” – Banksy’s wife

How do you wake up Lady Gaga..? POKER FACE … BAHAHAHA!!!

TSA: Sir, you can’t bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight. Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest? TSA: ….

Two thieves try to steal a calendar. They each got six months.

Apple CEO Tim Cook comes out as gay… No wonder the iPhone 6 won’t stay straight!

There are 6 jurors on the Treyvon Martin trial. I bet they all get on the same cycle from being around each other so much… Dude better hope it isn’t that time of the month when the verdict comes in.

Do Wilma Flintstone got a booty? She yabba-dabba dooooooo!

My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects…..but he’s a lamp…what does he know….

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman before marriage and after marriage.

If you say “people either love me or hate me” it’s a pretty safe bet that most of them hate you.