Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.

Hate being a funeral director “why’d u take the job?” I inherited it from my dad “You could’ve just declined it” And lose my first customer?

What do you call a couple having sex in a moving car? Burning rubber

The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

A necktie and a hat are sitting on a coat rack…. The hat says, “you can hang around if you want, but I’m gonna go on a head. “

Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They both got 6 months.

Why did they call the masseuse sexist? He was massage-anistic..

What two planets should we keep clean? Earth and Uranus.

I tried “Netflix and chill?” on my wife. We’re now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.

Does it count as necrophilia if she’s just dead inside?