For easter I’m going to smuggle drugs into prison with my anus. I’m calling myself the keister bunny!

Today my girlfriend left me Because I have a Linkin Park obsession… …But in the end it doesnt even matter…

What’s the hardest part about rollerblading? Telling your parents you’re gay.

I think Hillary Clinton will be the best president. If she couldn’t screw Bill, how can she screw America?

Did you hear about the time when King Arthur slept with another woman? It was a one knight stand.

A baguette up the butt is a real pain in the ass.

A: Took my temperature today. B: Oh really? A: No, rectally.

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found. Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

I had to quit the massage business. I kept rubbing people the wrong way.

This one time, I shot a defenseless black guy and got arrested.. For impersonating an officer of the law.