I’m against protesting… But I don’t know how to show it.

I wish instead of Grammar Nazis there were Grammar Angels. They’d quietly whisper, “Baby, you made a mistake. Let me fix it for you. -hug-“

Researchers found out,… … after someone finally opened the door.

Receptionist: So you’re here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear

I just shot my first turkey today! I don’t think they are going to let me back into that store again.

My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.

Regular sex makes your day. Butt sex makes your hole weak.

Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.

What do you call a man with news paper down his pants Russel

There are only two certain things in computer programming life… death and syntax (end).