14-year old Becky writes “Stop wars” as her Facebook status. It gets nine “likes”, all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.

I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born

What did the scientist say to his fellow co-worker to stop him from jumping off the cliff to as an act of suicide? Don’t jump, you’ve got so much potential!

My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I’m the only one not invited. Weird.

A termite walks into a bar… and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

what do you call the offspring of two lesbians? A hermaphrodike

A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender* Bear: “Hi, I’d like a gin……………….and tonic.” Bartender: “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?” *bear looks at own paws*

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle? Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

My girlfriend broke up with me, because she hated me singing Linkin Park songs all the time. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

I like playing games on Xbox Live with Mexicans because of the possibility of seeing “You were killed by Jesus” on the screen.